Unsettlement

Written Friday July 14: 

I’ve been in Tanzania for a little over two weeks now. That’s not long but I can tell you that it hasn’t been short. 

This whole time we’ve been living in a hotel down the street from our little townhouse that we’re going to rent that’s “almost finished” being built. 

Here’s the classic African situation:

“They said it will be done by June 30” is what Ema told me over our internet chats while I was still in America. "That's somebody’s birthday!”

In my head I was like “bloody likely…” 

I thought— 2 weeks at least! And unfortunately I was right.

The first time we spoke to the landlord, who was proudly surveying the very slow work, he assured us it could be done by July 7th. That was a week ago. The painting hasn’t started, there’s no bathroom fixtures at all (no toilet, shower or water heaters), there aren’t any doors in place or glass & screens for the windows. So—— we shall see how long it takes. 

We’re very excited to move in! But for now we’re camping out in the hotel enjoying air conditioning and free breakfast. 

What I am finding difficult at this point is the unsettlement of it all. We still don’t have our full investment so we can’t yet throw ourselves into our work, and that leaves us with quite limited means. We aren’t in our house yet so we’re in suitcases and boxes in the room. I feel like I’m waiting for life to start. It doesn’t even feel like I'm in the right situation to begin studying Swahili yet. (There’s something “living” in a hotel room does to your brain). (Not to mention the stress of knowing that the longer we stay here the less furniture we’ll be able to afford.)

But where I can I’m beginning trying to learn Swahili and Tanzanian culture at least. It’s so different from Thailand and America, it’s like starting from a new baseline. Everyone I have met so far is so warm and kind. Very welcoming. Also very polite. 

As an “Mzungu” which means foreigner, it is a mixed bag of a type of higher status, excitement from some, and target for others. It’s left me expecting that everyone is trying to cheat me— which is self protective, but I don’t want to be jaded either. 

My biggest daily (constant) struggle is fear I’m ashamed to admit. Fear that we won’t get the investment in time, and what that would mean. Fear that we will live in a house with no furniture for a long time. Fear that we won’t have money to do the basic things that we need to do, let alone start the business. Fear that I won’t be able to mesh well with this culture. Fear of what our “indefinite” time in Africa will be. And then the normal fears like- fear of malaria and other various diseases. 

After all that the Lord has done for me, the miracles he’s accomplished time and time again in my life, I regret to admit that I still have fear. And isn’t this one of the main tools the enemy uses against us? To keep us from being victorious? From being happy? 

In my situation, the opposite of fear is faith. And hope in the Lord. I know He CAN do it, and I hope he WILL do it. 

In these seasons of waiting, fear is always something to contend with.

So today I encourage myself with this

“Why do you complain, Jacob? Why do you say, Israel, ‘My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause disregarded by my God?’ Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the week. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who HOPE in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:27-31

One thing I need to add at the end here, I'm SO HAPPY to be back with my HUSBAND!!!!